Darkness

The liquor store.
(Picture taken from http://tenthousandtendrils.tumblr.com/)

 

In the end my voice was gone, and the only sound that was to be heard was the echo of my voice, flowing through the vast emptiness of the city.

Soon there was nothing. Nothing but a fragile man, alone in both mind and place. Wondering where the world went.

Hours past, and I hadn’t moved even once. I just lay there in the middle of the plaza, blankly staring at the sky. I couldn’t think clearly, although i don’t know if it was because of the hangover, or the current situation I am in. But I lay there, watching day turning into night, feeling no hunger, no exhaustion, only despair and confusion.

Eventually I was able to muster up the strength to get up and do something, just anything. While everything seemed hopeless and unnecessary I also recollected the thought; I could do anything I want. Even though that sounded like an unreal thought, it gave me some comfort.

While standing there, I thought of what I was to do now. My head was rushed with thoughts and ideas. But every thought was in a haze, clouded by my feelings. Focusing on a simple thought proved almost to be fruitless. Until I finally was able to concentrate on one simply plan. Go home, sleep it off and try tomorrow.

But in the current despair my heart was drowning in, the thought of sleep seemed like impossible dream. Though tired I might be, the recollection of today’s events would surely haunt my dreams, and once again I was dumbstruck in the hopelessness of the situation.

I thought of nothing that could give me solace except the dulling kiss of alcohol. So I cleared my thoughts, and began my quest to find probably the only comfort that I have ever had relied on.

While alcohol was probably nothing but a temporarily solution to my current dilemma, it was the greatest solution I had been able to come up with. Seeing as not only would it help me “sleep” but also dull my senses and perhaps clear my head.

And thus I began to search for the only liquor store in this small town.

The search wouldn’t have been so long if it wasn’t  for my newly found disorientation in the darkness of the town. But after what seemed like an eternity I finally stood in front of the store.

The building was rather big but the store itself was but  a small piece of this building. As I stood there I did not so much find relief as I found my heart being overwhelmed by this sadness, of all the memories when I went there shopping, meeting the nice clerk that always smiled, the one time I helped an elderly man buy his whiskey and nodded politely towards his racist joke or when with my then current girlfriend, too drunk to walk properly, fell into the freezer while getting some ice. Everything, now gone in the blink of an eye, while the only thing that remained was the giant concrete skeleton which now only seemed as a monument to the past glory of humankind.

While reminiscing about the past, I almost forgot what I had come here to do, to find enough alcohol to drink myself to oblivion.

So I promptly went into the store, gathering every different kind of drink I could imagine I would enjoy. Of course the only thing that I took was hard liquors, seeing as anything less would only slow down the process

But while gathering the necessities for tonight’s sleep I was struck by this sublime feeling of fear and uneasiness. Granted, I had felt that during the whole day, but this was different, it felt like I was being studied, almost like a predator studies its prey.

After getting what I needed, I started walking home. The city was still as dark as ever, seeing as it was still the middle of the night it wasn’t that much of a surprise.

About half way home, I felt this uneasiness once again, something lingering in the shadows, an ominous presence, following me, studying me, watching me.

When suddenly my brain screamed

”Stop!”

And my right foot froze in mid-air.